3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
