1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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