Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
