Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
