so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
