i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
