Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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