I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am available for nakedness
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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