Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I will be naked everywhere
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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