dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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