I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
