Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i dont even know how to be here
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
