If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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