Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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