yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
