so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
