so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize