Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
