I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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