I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
