they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
