i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
