your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
