I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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