You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh god it's open bar.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
