the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
