At least make sure they are 18
Why
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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