Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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