I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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