he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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