so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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