I wish life had little blips of pornography
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
