I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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