bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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