oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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