So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
