I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
