If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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