do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
try to milk me bitch
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
