I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
PANTIES FOUND
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