Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
