Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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