Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize