How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just want to make out with him forever
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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