I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize