I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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