my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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