i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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