True but thats because hes a fetus.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
