Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
