no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
