we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
