Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
