next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You were trust falling into bushes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
