I wanna bring you to show and tell
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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