im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
