I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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