I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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