I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
