now i know why i became what i already was.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
