i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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