Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
