it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
