My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
