Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
