I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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