He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
