last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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