Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
