I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
