the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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