Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
